// Things I Have Did Over The Past Few Days: A List.//

• Saw Childish Gambino
• Was driven in an Escalade to said Childish Gambino concert
• 16 hours of Circus rehearsal
• Learned my ass is too big to sit on top of a ladder
• Sat on ladder anyway
• Successfully climbed Spanish web with one leg
• washed my clothes
• Had two successful job interviews
• Made and Emmy’s dress out of plaid flannel
• Practiced getting my head smashed against a sink and choked against a wall
• Practiced sword fighting on a bridge that is very high in the air, oh god, vertigo
• Posed as a “nerdy girl pretending to be a dinosaur” in my underwear, in my old dormitory

Things I Did Not Do

• Eat a real meal
• drink at all
• go to bed before 1AM

// Well At Least They Taught Me How To Think.//

A cut for everyone’s sake.

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// MAYBE I GOT A LITTLE DAY DRUNK AND RECORDED A VIDEO OF MYSELF LIP-SYNCHING TO “CALL ME MAYBE”//

WHAT OF IT.

I mostly embarrassed by my terrible choreo. If Cutler wouldn’t literally laugh in my face, and then like throw a bottle of Jameson at me, my apocalypse piece would be to this song. 

// Class update://

We have now moved on to bollywood videos, from the 50s and early 2000s, and now we are watching the Spice Girls and comparing their treatment of seuxlaity to a comparable Indian pop song, and the current lady pop landscape.

I have just said “they’re not ruining the party with sex, they’re ruining it with fun, which is more empowering. No one’s going ‘look at my sexy sex.’ “

#HigherEducationinAmerica

// FOR THE RECORD.//

I offered my couch to people who’s apartement was on fire as I walked home, and they said they had something else and I was relieved BUT I AM STILL A HERO, and I got my friend her lost scarf, even though it was the wrong scarf and I kept it instead of giving it to her because it was not her scarf , but I IT WAS A LOST SCARF AND NOW IT IS (can be) FOUND (in my scarf drawer).

It was a party on the 37th (!) floor of a swanky apartment complex, and the DJ did not play Beyonce’s “Countdown,” so nothing is my fault, I recuse myself from everything. 

// I Am Actually My Own Worst Enemy.//

Which is wonderful and terrible at the same time. As I was hanging upside down on two strips of silk cloth today, trying and failing to make my legs move they way they were supposed too, I thought “well if you hadn’t tried hard in the first place, we wouldn’t be stuck here, in pain and looking dumb. Next time, if you can’t get past step one, you can’t possibly fail at step two.” Which was so defeatist, I was startled and let go. At which point I could not pull myself (yes, you pull yourself) upside down again, and performed miserably for the rest of class. At least I know who I’m fighting, but she knows all of my tricks and she is always a step ahead. I hate running.

If there is one thing I regret learning here, it’s been the internalization and validation of self-deprecation (the rhyming is only in your head) as normal, and good, and as a signifier, in some ways the only one, for self-awareness. But, I mean, what do I know about anything.

In other news, work on the Book of Jezebel (that Jezebel) has resumed, and I am writing short articles that may or may not end up in the final product. I have asked for “gin,” “hipsters,” and “Gibson Girls” among other topics, and suggested adding an entry for Justin Beiber, so validation isn’t always bad. I do want to send the main editor a guilty email explaining why I made an account on the Hairpin, and never for Jezebel, but I still have it in my google reader!

I had my first interview with a deferred applicant, she was one of the most delightful applicants I have ever spoken too, and the first I want desperately to get in. She is also the first one who made me really, really excited about their scientific research and I wish it wasn’t completely inappropriate to email her asking for updates. I have feelings about soil in the great lakes?

// OKAY//

I ONLY PUT A STRAW IN MY SHOT OF HONEY WHISKEY BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE IT ALL AT ONCE I WANTED TO ~SAVOR~ IT. 

IT WAS A CHAIRMAN MAO SHOT GLASS, DOES THAT NOT COUNT FOR ANYTHING?

// The Year In Review.//

2011: The Year Alexis Had The Most Absurd Living Arrangements and Cried On The Floor Twice, and Fell Asleep On The Floor 4 Times But Only In Her Laundry Twice, That’s Improvement, And Drank Less But Better,  And Also Learned What She Was Going To Do After College, But Only For A Little While And There Is No Need For Blood In A Shakespeare Play Totally Unnecessary Plus Feelings Are For Suckers And I Just Got A Ton Of Dum Dums, But Her Eyesight Got Better And Maybe She Needs Braces Again, But She Did Not Vomit Into The Streets Of Amsterdam, Not Even Once.