// FOR THE RECORD.//

I offered my couch to people who’s apartement was on fire as I walked home, and they said they had something else and I was relieved BUT I AM STILL A HERO, and I got my friend her lost scarf, even though it was the wrong scarf and I kept it instead of giving it to her because it was not her scarf , but I IT WAS A LOST SCARF AND NOW IT IS (can be) FOUND (in my scarf drawer).

It was a party on the 37th (!) floor of a swanky apartment complex, and the DJ did not play Beyonce’s “Countdown,” so nothing is my fault, I recuse myself from everything.